NERJA by KRISS on 29 february 2016

WINTER PEOPLE IN NERJA Last year we didn’t really pay attention to the tourist crowds in Nerja during winter time.
This year we really do pay attention and it’s easier for us to spot with little margin of error, who is a resident, who is only here for a couple of days, who is staying a couple of weeks etc… So we have come up with a very biased and stereotyped list of the « foreigners crowds of Nerja in winter ».
If you don’t understand second degree or feel scared you might feel offended, don’t read the rest of this post and blame the cold weather conditions recently and my extreme fatigue for the following lines.

The locals from mediterranean origin : Whether Spanish or Italian or Moroccan, it’s easy to spot them.
They will be the ones with a slightly darker skin, wearing clothes as if we were in Alaska when temperatures dare dropping below 20°C.
I can include myself and my whole family in this group.

The Northern warriors.
Two head taller than the rest of the population they usually are easily spotted because of the short sleeves they wear when temperatures are cold for the rest of us.
They speak a strange language that sounds different from English and different from German, they look like Vikings and speak fluent english when they need to !

The reddening Brits.
Even in winter, except for the many Brits who actually leave here half or full time, these guys manage to get sunburns.
You will see some of them wearing shorts, flip flops and a tee shirt, or even just a bathing suit (in the center of the town) when the rest of the population despairs for warmer days.
Sometimes their skins are red as if they had been taking in too much sun.
Guys, where do you even find the sun these days (except the local newspaper) ?

The african street sellers.
These guys amaze me, they wear fewer layers than I do and I have to explain this by skin and blood thickness superiority or faster blood flow.
They keep selling their fake bags on the Balcon de Europa, calculating their shifts in accordance to the police lunch times.
These winter times I am doubtful about how much they make and most of them seem tired.
Anyways, I got my wedding anniversary gift from one of them this year, in the form of a little elephant key holder ! Oh and they’re easy to spot they’re black duh !

The over tanned retirees.
Have they invested in a personal UV system at home ? One can only guess, there are a few unmistakably orange skins grandpas and grandmas who seem to be getting their fair share of sun too.
Again, where the heck do you find sun these days ?

The rude Germans.
As Manuel would say in Fawlty towers : don’t mention the war ! They are the ones wearing flip flops but with woolen socks in them.
They greet you with a « Hola » and either speak an excruciatingly harsh Spanish or directly speak to you in German.
When replied « English » they invariably say « no » and look at you with puzzlement.
Doesn’t the rest of Europe speak German ? How weird ? Warum nicht ?

The accidental Asian tourist.
I am not talking about the Asian people who live here and run the Chinese shops, but about the wealthy young couples in their 30s or 40s, who knows, when I was in Japan, I mistook a lot of people for 20 years younger than they really were ! They are not many but always extremely protected from the sunlight.

The homeless.
Yes and I can’t decently make fun out of this because this is just saddening me a lot, but there are more and more homeless people in Nerja, from all backgrounds and nationalities, women, men, couples.
You can see the harsh stories in the eyes of many of them, one blond girl recently that I bump into quite often and doesn’t strike me as a long time beggar, a middle aged man killing time on a 1980’s old video game… I look at them and often wonder what their stories are.

The hippies.
Not to be mistaken for homeless, they wear the same more or less, but by choice, not out of necessity.

The pitbull owners.
Lots of of women I have noticed and with cute pinky girly strassy straps on their 40kg muscle bulldozers of dogs they can barely get hold of.

The crowds that are missing right now :

The sluts : Whichever nationality and age (from 14 to 40 I’m afraid) they seem to hibernate and there are no girls with shorts that could be mistaken for underwear in the streets of Nerja these days.
I have no doubt they will come out eventually, making the life of the bar and terrace singles more interesting.

The french : Where have they gone with their hors pair English or Spanish, what a relief when after 1 minute of struggle you finally tell them you also speak french ! Have I to include myself in this group ? No way, my English won’t ever give me away but my Spanish does it seems, damn it !

I may have forgotten a few stereotypes I am sure and I apologize for that, either if you're pissed off because you've not been included in my ridiculous list or because you actually have.
But seriously, how hard can it be to learn hello, thank you good bye, never you mind !

And you, what is it like where you live ? Can you come up with a funny list like mine (without risking prison or worse of course) ?

#rude #ruder #old #older #nerja #spain #population #retirement



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